The first genetically specific nutritional supplements are here! When Blade Runner gave us a peek into 2019, we saw genetically manufactured beings called replicants put into service to take-on the other world’s dirty work. Maybe we’re not on track for the world’s first Nexus-6 in 2019, but tailored supplements for specific ethnic groups might just be a first step.
Screwing with genetics can lead to disturbing results. But I felt an obligation to loyal Bitness readers and threw caution to the wind. For the last 3 weeks I trusted my genes to a team of scientists at Bitness’ labs, where I was subjected to each of the three genetically specific supplements. The results were shocking (warning: those without a sense of humor or easily offended – turn back now).
Week 1: African American Supplements
Let’s just say the wife was very ‘pleased’ with the effect of this supplement. Trust me, it wasn’t because I suddenly started eating chicken again, making me less of a pain-in-the-ass when it came to planning meals (I’ve been a vegetarian for 16 years).
With the African supplement I just felt like I had more rhythm ya know? I killed it on the basketball court, had a little more swagger in my step and I became more alert – of the police – who seemed to have it out for me. I could kick back with a 40 and suddenly understand everything 50 Cent was saying. All I can say is ‘true that Fiddy.’
Week 2: Hispanic Supplements
I stole my own hub caps on day one! I know, it’s weird – but they were shiny and I like, had to have them meng – ju know? During the Hispanic trial phase I might have made a tactical error. What does ‘Matanza el Gringo’ mean and why did I have it tattooed across my neck? The highlight of week 2 has to be the chimichangas – muy delishioso! Look at me; 2 weeks later and I eat chicken and beef!
Week 3: Caucasian Supplements
You’re probably asking yourself, ‘what effect would a supplement have on someone already of a given race?’ Well in our experiment it accentuated my whiteness. I am now the proud owner of an argyle sweater and bucks! I also joined a country club and subscribed to Field and Stream. Wine, wine and more wine. Love it. (Incidentally I became more uptight and once again banished chicken and beef from my diet).
The Missing Supplement I’ve no idea why they don’t make Asian supplements and frankly I’m disappointed. I was looking forward to an increased aptitude in math and science. Would my driving ability suffer? Would my laundry folding improve? Also, since I was eating chicken and beef again I’m sure I would have given fish bladders a shot.
So I’m here to tell you, it’s 
So why do I even care? I mean I cared about gear deals long before bitness.com existed, so it’s not the blog. It’s because I freakin’ love gear. I’m terrified of horses but check out the deal on this 
The Nike Speed+ can supplant the iPod as the device used to relay run data. This is useful for people who don’t like to run with an iPod, but for most an additional piece of equipment wouldn’t be necessary.
One Fall President Clinton was in town and I was lucky enough to meet him. As he worked his way down the meet-and-greet line, I saw people give him small gifts. I deftly searched my pockets (no reason to alarm the secret service) looking for something – anything to give WJC. I had a fresh stack of Rolo stickers – my friend Scamp was tight with the guy making the Rolos – so I handed one to the President explaining the importance of the sticker – what with it being from a local small business and all.
The Rolo board was a big improvement from the Bongo of yore (note: Bongo makes modern versions now as well). With a concave deck and upturned nose/tail as well as bungees that hold the dowel in place you can ride it in two positions. Skiers, yoga enthusiasts and beginners straddle the dowel and snow/skate/wake/surf boarders set the dowel along the length of the board – directly under foot.
In the end, street smarts and a pillow case full of soda cans compensated for Mick’s skinny physique. Had Mick known about the 
The truth however, is that even without equipment, prisoners find ways to build the strength and muscle mass necessary to survive their environment. Prison Yard Workout promises you will “Get the body of an inmate without doing 5 to 10,” and without the use of equipment or expensive gym memberships. Actual ex-cons will teach you their workout secrets on a 
“She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.”
But the Viper is actually an interesting piece of equipment. Beyond the near-fact that you can’t watch TV climbing a tree, the Viper is a safe alternative for Wheelchair bound folks, kids, the elderly or anyone afraid of heights.
Dear Sergey, Eugene, Dmitry, Aleksandr; with a bunch of 15 letter last names I can’t pronounce (and I’m 50% Russian myself)!
