Growing up the son of a cardiologist, I had access to a treadmill more than 30 years ago. Whereas most people watched man of the future George Jetson walk Astro on a treadmill, me and my brothers would go to our father’s office, sprint to the room where they performed stress tests and give my father one of his own. Back then, because it was new, because it seemed so improbable that you could run like a freak in bell-bottoms without going anywhere and I guess because it probably bothered my father – running on a treadmill was fun!

Now that I’m older and have a treadmill, I loathe everything about it. Why did I buy it? I use it only when it’s pouring out, if it’s a Tuesday and the moon is in the Waning Gibbous phase – which is to say ‘rarely.’

For me, the joy of running is getting outside and enjoying the elements – whatever they might be. This winter has been mostly mild in the northeast, but even on cold nights a run in the dark is worth it, if only to scare the bejesus out of unsuspecting neighbors unpacking the car after a hard day at work.

A treadmill lacks the stimulation I need and I rarely last more than 3 miles. Others actually prefer it for the climate controlled environment, to catch-up on current events (some treadmills have built-in TVs), for the security of running on a consistent and forgiving surface or to run naked.

Here to bolster my opinion on treadmills is this cute polar bear/dog creature…